“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
Many things in life are outside of our control. Relationships ending, death, illness, not getting the job we want, or the partner we want, things that other people do that irritate us. Learning to navigate these challenges and “surf the waves” is what allows us the opportunity for growth, to choose how we want to respond to the waves, rather than simply react in a habitual way. When we are reacting, we are not aware of what is driving our behavior; in this way, we are driven by what is outside our awareness. When we are responding, we are “in the driver seat”, deliberately choosing our actions; we are truly deciding what we want to do, how we want to be, rather than reacting to a strong emotion, or sense of obligation. Emotions, and strong emotions, are an important part of what makes us human. It is the ability to “press the pause button” and listen deeply to what is happening inside of us that allows us to cultivate a deeper relationship with ourselves and those around us. In this way, we become the authors of our own lives. The cultivation of mindfulness can lead to increased feelings of calm and centeredness as we move through the inevitable ups and downs of our lives.
Mindful Parenting
Parenting can be both the most rewarding, and most challenging, part of life. Usually, the only training we have is our own life experience. Sometimes this is helpful and healthy, and other times, we find ourselves repeating negative patterns we grew up with (often things we swore we’d never do!), or patterns developed in reaction to what we grew up with…or, at times, we may feel overwhelmed, confused, angry, or scared. Mindfulness can help you get in touch with how you are being affected by your children, what is getting triggered, and how you are reacting. When you are able to slow this process down, you are often able to find new ways of being with your children. No one else knows your children they way you do, and as a parent myself, I will respect that, while sharing what I know about child development and family dynamics. Sometimes there’s not a simple answer, but together, we can find better ways of responding to the challenges you are faced with as a parent. Slowing down and bringing mindful attention to your own responses as a parent is like putting on the oxygen mask first, before trying to help the little one who needs you.